Much like with ‘wellness’, ‘mindfulness’ and ‘self care’, being on a ‘healing journey’ is a popular life subject these days and for good reason. No doubt enhanced by the accessibility and visibility we garner from social media, people these days are also- as ever- descendants of troubled and traumatized families. The access to information and the ability to see others express their process has led to a proliferation of people striking out on healing journeys of their own and venturing into uncharted territory in their minds and nervous systems.
Overall, this is a great thing- but as all things have their good and bad, there is a downside: the popularity of being *on* this healing journey can lead to not knowing when to move on.
The Buddha was once quoted as telling a story about a man seeking to cross from one shore to the other on a boat. In this simple image, he noted that the point of the boat- like the Dharma- was to reach a destination…Not to possess the boat.
This parable is told in the spirit of teaching disciples of the Dharma not to grip aspects of the teachings themselves and become attached to the vehicle, but instead to reside at the goal- the other shore, a peaceful mind, etc. And this applies to healing, too.
As a journey, healing definitely has some key challenges. The Dark Night of the Soul is a well-known experience; the first time you see your own shadow, the first time you realize your flaws, spiritual illnesses, and the ways you’ve played a role in your own suffering. Truly this stage is so disturbing and stressful that a large number of people never even continue or even venture into their Spiritual Journey– so if you have, give yourself a pat on the back!
After one makes it through this major test of mettle, we often inundate ourselves with efforts to regulate, correct and self improve. Books, seminars, spiritual guides, herbs, ceremonies, retreats, the works! And as I said before, we live in a time with an abundance of content made to support this part of the process (for better or worse because not all of it is healthy or made with good intentions). Everywhere you look, there are videos, books and influencers on the sidelines validating you for healing.
...But then what?
This is where the problem lies. People don’t talk much about being done with healing! And being out of your healing journey just looks like living your life- many people have done it, but they don’t walk around with a sign saying ‘finished my healing’! After you’ve spent years identifying with your trauma, flaws and fears, the idea of ‘healing’ becomes more familiar to you than being ‘healthy’. As hard as it is to start your healing, it can be just as difficult to stop.
‘Healing’, and the trauma that caused it, can become a familiar face. People aren’t the only things with which we can form codependent relationships.
In truth, one must face themselves again. This time the test is not the shadow, but the unfamiliar: Who are you beyond trauma? Who are you when you don’t hold yourself back anymore? Who are you when isolation, bedrotting, reparenting, and the general ‘cocoon’ stage of your transformation are over? At some point, you’ve changed. That is wonderful and terrible. The old you is gone and you have to come out and fly in the big, broad world again, and the last challenge of the Healing Journey finally rears its head: Are you afraid to be you? Are you afraid of success? Are you afraid of living?
Caves, wombs, eggs, cocoons, all of these are metaphors for the dark, motherly spaces of transformation. But remember: all of them can suffocate a life, as well.
Know when it’s time to move on.
If you would like guidance, advice or bespoke audo medicines to assist your process, my books are open and I can be contacted here as well. I look forward to supporting you.
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